Why You Deserve to Take Up Space: A Guide to Embodied Confidence

In a world that constantly tells people—especially women, marginalized genders, disabled bodies, fat bodies, aging bodies, and racialized bodies—to be smaller, quieter, and less visible, the idea of taking up space can feel radical. Even dangerous. Many of us grow up learning that confidence is something to earn, not something to embody; that visibility invites judgment; that comfort should be minimized so others aren’t inconvenienced.

But what if confidence isn’t about being louder or more dominant—but about being present?
What if taking up space isn’t arrogance, but an act of self-respect?
And what if embodied confidence isn’t something you “fix” in your mind, but something lly, emotionally, and energetically—and how embodied confidence can be lly.

What Does “Taking Up Space” Really Mean?

Taking up space is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean overpowering others, being aggressive, or demanding attention. At its core, taking up space means:

Allowing your body to exist without apology
Expressing your needs without minimizing them
Being seen without shrinking yourself for comfort
Occupying physical and emotional room without guilt

It’s the opposite of self-erasure.

Many people unconsciously practice space-reduction behaviors:

Crossing arms tightly
Sitting on the edge of chairs
Holding breath in public
Speaking softly even when confident
Over-apologizing
Avoiding eye contact
Constantly asking permission to exist

These behaviors aren’t personality flaws—they are survival strategies learned in response to social pressure.

Why So Many of Us Learn to Shrink

1. Cultural Conditioning

From early childhood, many of us receive subtle messages:

“Don’t be too much.”
“Don’t draw attention.”
“Be nice.”
“Be agreeable.”
“Be grateful, not demanding.”

Confidence is praised in theory but punished in practice—especially when it comes from those society expects to be compliant.

2. Body Surveillance and Beauty Standards

Bodies are constantly evaluated. Weight, posture, facial expressions, clothing choices—everything is commented on. This leads to body hyper-awareness, where people try to take up less space physically to avoid judgment.

Fat bodies are often explicitly told to shrink. Disabled bodies are expected to stay out of the way. Racialized bodies are monitored. Aging bodies are rendered invisible.

Taking up space becomes political.

3. Trauma and Nervous System Survival

Trauma—whether personal or collective—can teach the nervous system that visibility equals danger. Shrinking becomes a protective reflex. Embodied confidence, then, is not about “just being confident” but about helping the nervous system feel safe enough to exist fully.

Embodied Confidence vs. Performative Confidence

We’re often taught that confidence looks like:

Perfect posture
Assertive speech
Unshakable certainty
Loud self-expression

But this version of confidence can be exhausting—and inaccessible.

Embodied confidence, on the other hand, is:

Rooted in bodily awareness
Responsive, not forced
Flexible rather than rigid
Present even in uncertainty

It’s the confidence of someone who knows they belong—not because they earned it, but because they exist.

The Science of Embodiment and Self-Worth

Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that the body and mind are deeply interconnected.

Posture affects emotional states: Open, relaxed posture is associated with increased feelings of self-trust and presence.
Breath regulates confidence: Slow, deep breathing signals safety to the nervous system.
Interoception (body awareness) is linked to emotional regulation and self-compassion.
Movement influences mood: Gentle, intentional movement increases self-efficacy.

Confidence isn’t just a mindset—it’s a physiological experience.

What Happens When You Stop Shrinking

When you begin allowing yourself to take up space, subtle but powerful shifts occur:

You speak without rehearsing every sentence
You sit comfortably instead of rigidly
You notice when you apologize unnecessarily
You feel grounded instead of braced
You occupy rooms without scanning for approval

This doesn’t happen overnight. It happens through practice.

A Gentle Guide to Building Embodied Confidence

1. Start With Awareness, Not Correction

Notice how your body behaves in different situations:

Do you tense when speaking?
Do you hold your breath?
Do you fold inward around others?

Observation without judgment is the foundation of change.

2. Practice Expansive Stillness

You don’t need dramatic poses. Try this:

Sit with both feet on the floor
Let your shoulders drop
Rest your hands openly
Breathe into your belly

Stillness can be expansive when it’s relaxed.

3. Reclaim Breath as Permission

Breath is the fastest way to signal safety.

Inhale slowly through the nose
Exhale longer than you inhale
Let the breath soften your chest and jaw

Every breath says: I am allowed to be here.

4. Unlearn Apology Reflexes

Notice how often you say “sorry” when no harm occurred.
Try replacing it with:

“Thank you for waiting”
“I appreciate your patience”
Or nothing at all

You don’t need to apologize for existing.

Taking Up Emotional Space

Embodied confidence isn’t only physical—it’s emotional.

Taking up emotional space means:

Expressing preferences
Naming discomfort
Setting boundaries
Allowing joy without downplaying it

It’s letting your feelings matter without justification.

Boundaries Are a Form of Space

Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re clarity.

When you set boundaries, you:

Define your limits
Protect your energy
Communicate self-respect

Every boundary reinforces the belief: I matter.

Reframing “Too Much”

Many people fear being “too much.” Too loud. Too emotional. Too visible.

But “too much” often just means:

Uncontained joy
Honest expression
Authentic presence

You were never too much—you were just taught to compress.

Confidence Isn’t the Absence of Fear

Embodied confidence doesn’t erase insecurity. It coexists with it.

You can:

Feel nervous and still speak
Feel visible and still breathe
Feel unsure and still take up space

Confidence is not perfection—it’s permission.

Daily Practices to Support Taking Up Space

Stretch your arms wide each morning
Sit fully in chairs instead of perching
Make eye contact without forcing it
Speak at a natural volume
Wear clothes that don’t require constant adjustment
Take breaks without justification

Small acts build embodied trust.

When Taking Up Space Feels Unsafe

It’s important to acknowledge that for some people, taking up space can carry real risk due to discrimination, violence, or systemic oppression. Embodied confidence should never override safety.

In these cases: